What Do you Tell the Children?

by Rabbi Shea Hecht for COLlive.com

More than any other time of the year, we are reminded of the importance of communication during the holiday of Passover. The purpose of the Hagadah itself is to tell our children the origins of our people. Even more so, we are even instructed on how to address children of various temperaments in order to best communicate to them on their level.

And while we cannot presume that all the complexities of human behavior can be reflected in the the “four sons”, this simple allegory is nonetheless an important instruction on how to address each child according to his own personality and disposition.

In recent years, we have become painfully aware of the many social ills that afflict our communities. As our numbers continue to increase, we also see a clear increase in the number of our kids that are going “off the path”. A growing number of children are feeling alienated, neglected, unfulfilled and are ultimately drifting from the ways of their forefathers. It would be silly for us to pretend that the drug use, promiscuity, criminal activity we have been catching wind of affect only a few “black sheep”.

For this reason, it is crucial that during Pesach, the “Time of Our Freedom”, we must return to the principle of VeHigadtah LeVinchah–“you shall tell your children.”

Previous generations knew the importance of stories and parables in education. They were considered to be an essential part of a child’s growth, providing the foundation upon which a life of Torah and Mitzvos was built. These tales of our righteous predecesors are replete with subtle lessons which inspire fine character and fear of heaven–lessons that are not easily derived from a Gemara or Shulchan Oruch.

In our world, unfortunately, we are set upon by problems that our grandparents did not face. Take also into consideration that many families have two working parents, or even one parent alone, struggling to make ends meet. There can be no doubt that our children are losing out on both the quality and quantity of time spent with their parents.

But what can we expect from our children if we do not provide the moral compass with which they can navigate through today’s dangers and diversions? The possiblity that a child can make a role model out of the wrong person, and emulate the wrong behavior is very real and too devastating to tolerate.

The solution to this problem is to make VeHigadtah LeVinchah a part of the household. Take the time to read to your children. Not only will this refresh the bond and communication between parent and child, it will enhance the atmosphere of holiness in the home and give our children access to the wealth of positive reinforcement and role models that will inspire them to cherish and guard the ways of their forefathers.

If we do not make their character and moral purity a priority, we will bear the full responsibility for any of their transgressions in the future. But if we are diligent and see to it that our kids are not just well-informed but possess fine traits and fear of heaven, then we will be entitled to abundant nachas and enjoyment from them in the years to come.