by Two Nightlife Advocates
NYC can be overwhelming for a born and bred Brooklynite, just as well as any out-of-towner. Between work and errands, bridal showers and dating, life in the city gets pretty hectic. However, once a week, there is an oasis in time when young adult women can get together to kick back and relax. No, this is not our holy Shabbos, which is just as anticipated, but rather, a tastefully transformed lounge where one can unwind, surrounded by fellow peers from all backgrounds. Enjoy a warm dinner and scrumptious treats in a cozy ambiance created by low ottomans and glowing candles. Catch up with friends not seen all week. Have an intellectual conversation with complete strangers as though old friends. Soak in words of wisdom from Rabbis, professionals and mentors.
This is Nightlife.
An inviting safe haven from the hustle and bustle of the daily grind.
Not long ago, Nightlife hosted an event featuring world renowned lecturer Rabbi Manis Friedman. Nightlife always has a nice crowd, though on this particular evening there was standing room only as more and more Nightlifers kept coming to hear the ‘truth about men and women.’ In anticipation for Shavuos, the Nightlife staff put out a dairy spread complete with lasagna, blintzes, all kinds of cheesy delicacies and a myriad of cheesecakes (special shout out to Kingston Bake Shop).
Rabbi Friedman began his speech with a shocking statement: A man and a woman cannot sustain a lasting marriage. (Wait till you hear the rest before jumping out of your seat.) To understand this, we must first explain what it means to be a man; what it means to be a woman…When does a man feel most like a man? When he plays the role of mashpia, complete and unconditional giving. A woman is a true woman when she is open and uninhibited, trusting and receiving: a mikabel. The roles must compliment each other to attain achievement. A true man will give that feeling to a true woman and vice versa. This unique connection takes place through marriage, when the ultimate man and the ultimate woman become husband and wife, totally in tune and one, completing each other. No, a man and a woman cannot hold a selfless relationship; yet united and committed as a husband and a wife they create a solid marriage.
Being that the majority of the audience consisted of single young women (there were a few ‘marrieds’, too) looking for their better half, Rabbi Friedman offered some practical advice we could work on now: A common fixation among singles, both men and women alike, is worrying about whom they are going to marry; their appearance, occupation, strengths or weaknesses…but that’s already been decided long ago by G-d. What one should be concerning him/herself with is what kind of spouse he/she will be. This time of ‘limbo’ is the perfect opportunity to work on bettering oneself before meeting a soul mate, which in turn will allow one to fulfill his/her proper role when the time comes.
After the lecture, Rabbi Friedman walked around addressing personal questions while everyone milled around having another go at the cheesecake, discussing and digesting all they’d just heard. Stepping back onto the moonlit city street, filled with new vigor, these girls left, with a greater knowledge of themselves, where they are and where they are headed…
Nightlife takes place at the Rubashkin’s residence every Monday evening. Visit www.CHnightlife.wordpress.com for more details.
I personally think that it is true .Everyone needs guidence and refreshing . I happen to agree that girls know way more in bais hayehudi skills than bochurim do-there should be something for bochurim as well with the right title to get the right participation. Same for married women and men. If someone feels their spouse is undermining them that is not the reality of all married couples and can be fixed-once you get married you get a life, not lose it. The issue with teens should not only be delt with them but with the mechanchim and hanhala of… Read more »
doesnt manis come to educate the teenage girls in our commmunity schools as well….?
they really need to learn chassidus from his great wealth of knowledge to combat all the conflicting and hazy ideas they have!
listen here! Girls have to feel comfortable and treated nicely.. this is actually the beg of it where they can get what they like and feel good…. leave the diet issues to the individuals. No need to make an issue out of a tissue. This is just a lesson for the married men- TREAT UR WIFE LIKE THE QUEEN, cause they are the brains behind the marriage, they carry the child and they are the Akeres Habayis. You be nice to hear and help her in any situation!
Before I got married I was on top of my game. I was a smart bochur, a chevraman who had the world in his palm. Now, ten years later my wife taught me that I don’t know anything, that I’m a loser and a good-for-nothing. I yearn the days when I held my head up high. Now I am forced to grovel at her feet. Bochurim – enjoy your bochurkeit! Gan Eden – It doesn’t last forever…those were the days. But now I am a…married man.
very well written
I am jealous of night life…what a wonderful program for these young ladies….I would like something like that too
what about Morning or Afternoon Drama, for us older folk who are pushing on 30+years of marriage???………As women, regardless of age or status, single or married, ..we all need creative downtime and support on a regular basis, especially as a group-any ideas anyone???
the reason there’s a shidduch crisis is because we are in a time of exploded knowledge. the tree of knowledge has low hanging fruit.
manis said it right. sort of. real relationship can only happen with ultimate (=perfect) man/woman. of course there is no such creature, so there is no such thing as a real relationship. one of the two people becomes less of themself. but if you want a relationship as you are now, fuggedaboudit.
this is the reason there is a shidduch crisis stop serving young girls food
Its precisely why there are so many sholom bayis issues…..because of boys like you who get married and thing they know it all……and this is coming from a married woman!
because we boys know it all. The girls have to become smart so they need to keep on learning. farshtei???
to #2 – exactly! (and btw, #7 – there’s your answer right there)
and #6 – you guys have junior n’shei already. thank the ones who organize it. as a matter of fact, here in ch, there are programs for females of all ages and stages!!
why does it feel like that for every 10 lectures young single girls go to on shidduchim/marriage, the boys go to 1?
Shame I don’t live near CH…..
Something for young marrieds please
I was there and Rabbi Friedman actually put things the way they really are… Somehow Nightlife knows how to find these great candid speakers – there’s no ‘beating around the bush’… It’s so refreshing!
i think these single girls would appreciate more dietetic, health oriented food!
ya, the only difference is that he doesent tell the boys what he will be talking about- BECAUSE THEN NO BOYS WOULD COME
It’s amazing how he manages to find the right way to articulate the same exact thing to both the boys – and the girls.
A phenomenal man.
Gotta thank the One above for what we have!
A Bochur in Lubavitch (Looking at pictures of maidelach? Chas vshalom!)