Tragedy Struck Just as the Federmans Were Returning to Normal

By a Friend

“Cham Libi Bikirbi, B’Hagigi Tivar Aish.” A fire of pain and shock is raging in me, and my heart is aflame with grief.

I’ve known Asher Federman since his childhood, I remember his energy and personality. His spiritual journey was remarkable and humbling. Overnight, he became a Masmid, an Oved Hashem of awesome quality. He transitioned from day school to one of the most demanding Yeshivas in America and somehow, he flourished, becoming one of the top bochurim and a leader in his Kvutza.

I remember when he and his wife Henya Federman (nee Shmotkin) left to open the Chabad outpost in S. Thomas. My heart ached for them then, even as it glowed with pride at their ambition and devotion to Shlichus. Island life is a lonely life; they would do a lot of good, but it wouldn’t be easy.

But once again, the transition was a marvel. Without missing a beat, this Masmid became a shining star in the world of Shluchim, finding ever more creative ways to promote Torah, Mitzvahs and Yiras Shomayim to the Jewish people who lived or vacationed on the island. V’Rabim Heishiv Me’Aven.

The years passed. U’Milu Es H’Aretz Vkivshua. They fulfilled this Mitzvah Mehadrin min Hamehadrin. Bli Ayin Hara, they and 13 children conquered that island with kindness, wisdom, openness, Jewish pride, love for Hashem, and a sense of joyous responsibility for the Jewish people under their spiritual and physical care.

And slowly, the Frum world gravitated toward them and frequented their Chabad House. Word spread about their Hachnosas Orchim. Their presence made it possible to vacation there without any compromise on Halacha or Hashkafa.

One day, Asher and Henya and their family would be engaged in spirited conversation with a couple from Kansas, impressing upon them the importance of lighting the Chanukah Menorah even on vacation, even without the kids present, even in a hotel.

The next day, they were preparing a Shabbos meal for a Heimishe family from Baltimore, with all the Hiddurim, providing Minyan times, Shiurim opportunities and information about the Mikveh.

Asher was always a warm kid, a kind spirit. And now the world was experiencing it. Businessmen, couples and families from every community have entered through his door and left full of gratitude and appreciation.

I’m not surprised. That’s Asher.

And now… this? Why?

When all he and Henya have ever wanted to do was serve, why are they prevented from doing precisely that?

For almost a year, they were forced to leave their post and relocate to America so that their elementary school-age daughter could be treated for the unmentionable disease.

Baruch Hashem, they returned, with great joy and celebration, to S. Thomas only a few days ago.

Back to the Shlichus, back in the service. Back to the island, back to the ocean.

And then… this? The ocean snatches their four-month daughter. Why? They jump in to rescue her and in the act, Henya is caught in the raging waters which Shlomo Hamelech had promised would never extinguish…and now she’s fighting for her life.

Why?

I don’t know.

Obviously. I’m clueless. My bewilderment, our bewilderment, grows by the hour, and the questions come like an avalanche.

Our training kicks in. Shiurim in Shaar Habitachon go suddenly from academic exercises to emergency equipment. Henya will recover, she’ll return to her family, she’ll be better than before, their Shlichus will go on, their desire to give and give with yet be fulfilled, along with all our Tefilos.

And yet, Ribono Shel Olam, why?

One Gemara is thundering in my head. Bava Basra Daf Yud, Amud Alef. “Shoal Turnusrufus Es Rabi Akiva…”

A man challenges Rabbi Akiva to explain suffering; if Hakadosh Baruch Hu loves us, why does He deprive us? Why do we suffer?

And Rabbi Akiva replies, “So that kindness could exist.” So that we could be good to each other. So that those who are okay should have a chance to support those of us who are not.

Asher. After all his years of endowing Klal Yisrael with kindness, Hakadosh Baruch Hu has decided to make him a trigger for an outpouring of Klal Yisrael’s kindness, only this time in reverse order.

So, I don’t know why. But I do know what. I know what has to happen.

Friends, you and I await the day when we’ll be able to wholeheartedly thank Hashem for everything that happens, the ecstasies AND the agonies. But right now, though I don’t know why this happened to our Chaver Asher and his beautiful family, I know what the immediate result is supposed to be: Chasodim, Chasodim and more Chasodim.

Please give with all your heart, from deep within your heart, and when you give, give L’Ilui Nishmas little Shterna bas Harav Asher Yaakov, and L’Havdil ben Chaim L’Chaim, for an immediate Refuah Shleima for Rebbetzin Henya bas Bracha Devorah Leah, Shetlit”a.

Please contribute generously to the Federman Family Fund.