‘Please Marry Your Brother-in-Law’

By Yedida Wolfe

“I could not believe my ears,” says Senior Editor Rishe Deitsch of the N’shei Chabad Newsletter. “Perel Balkany was explaining to me why her grandmother was named Doba and her great-aunt was also named Doba. I thought I was not understanding her right, but I was. The original Doba was married with two children. She passed away suddenly. At that time, her younger sister Luba was engaged and both she and her chosson held visas to leave Russia and go to America. They were the luckiest of everyone! To be leaving Russia, with permission! And then when Doba passed away, their father said to Luba, ‘Your sister’s children need a mother. I am asking you to give up your chosson, give up your visa to America, marry your brother-in-law and raise the children.’ She listened to her father, and the first child she had with her husband/former-brother-in-law was named after her sister Doba…”

This little girl Doba grew up to marry Zev Wolf Nisnevitch, and many years later she became Perel Balkany’s grandmother. Perel tells her stories in the upcoming Shevat issue, which is rich with inspiring stories of Jewish survival against fierce, bloodthirsty aggressors. From Russia to Lebanon, this issue presents the important stories of Jews who escaped death and destruction of their home countries.

More from Perel:

“During WWII, Zev Wolf was drafted into the Russian army. He used to wake up extra early each morning to sneak out to the forest to put on tefillin (any religious observance was strictly forbidden). One day he was spotted while wearing his tefillin. He was immediately demoted from his status as a sergeant. A few days later the troops that had previously been under his command were sent out on a dangerous mission. Only a few of the men returned. One of them came to him and told him, ‘Your karobitchky [boxes] saved you.’ Even the goyim realized the power of his tefillin.”

This issue marks the debut of “Delving Deeper,” a new column started by Yonit Tanenbaum of YQ Media (yq-media.com). “Delving Deeper” offers the chance for readers who have not yet been published, but know deep down they have something valuable to share.

The first column presents the moving story of Lolita Leah Becoil Engelson whose family escaped Beirut under dangerous circumstances, chased by Palestinian refugees who terrorized her Jewish neighborhood.

“I am constantly fascinated by people’s stories, which is what drives my career in journalism and advertising,” Yonit told COLlive. “There is so much depth to every person. This column, which I curate during my free time, fuses my love for stories with my desire to encourage more relatedness between us.”

Yonit hopes each article printed in this series will encourage readers to further know, understand, and respect one another.

In our continued effort to increase awareness about igun, we have printed Rabbi Michoel Green’s responses to readers who voiced their concerns about his agunah stories. Rabbi Green received many letters in response to his article, from questions on how to help a friend in need of a get, to angry readers calling him a “feminist” (!).

Expressing compassion for agunim, Rabbi Green specifies why igun for a woman is a more serious issue.

“A chained husband has the option of heter meah rabbanim. As time-consuming and costly as it, he has a way out. Conversely, the chained wife has no such option…the mere possibility of mamzerus is unacceptable.”

While many well-meaning friends and relatives might feel there are halachic reasons to withhold a get, especially when secular courts are involved, Rabbi Green explains it is extremely important to involve a beis din as soon as the issue of igun arises. He writes: “Please note that every case is different and a competent beis din needs to be consulted for each one.”

Nevertheless, Rabbi Green urges anyone who is approached about a get problem to get involved. “I know that numerous Shluchim are actively trying to facilitate a get for someone in their area, but whether or not you are a Shliach, you might have just the right connection with someone to be instrumental.”

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