By a counselor
Bing, bing, ding. 34 unread messages and 4 missed calls.
To start, I’d like to say that I have been a counsellor in mainstream camps for several years now. It’s an all-too-familiar experience, especially on Erev Shabbos, when a parent receives your number from a relative or friend and contacts you ad nauseam about their child. This takes many different forms; the parent may want to know if their child is enjoying camp or if he’s giving you or other staff members a hard time. However, the primary issue I want to discuss is when the parent wants to speak to the child.
This becomes a nuisance for the counsellor, who tries to balance being nice and hoping for a good tip with the reality that he doesn’t want to let the child use his phone. This problem is twofold:
Firstly, the average counsellor doesn’t want his campers using his phone. Allowing it would mean campers using his phone all day and more parents harassing him. The texts and calls from parents wanting to contact their child are extremely annoying and take away from the counsellor’s duties.
Secondly, when you sent your child to camp, you did so with the belief that the camp’s staff and structure are capable and will provide the summer experience your child deserves. You’ve entrusted your child to the counsellor’s responsibility, so give him a little space to do his job. It’s fine if you don’t speak to your child for a few days and trust he’s doing fine.
When a parent harasses the counsellor and controls their child, it only encourages the counsellor to let the child fend for themselves, ultimately under the parent’s influence. I’m not implying that you shouldn’t speak to your child the entire summer—that would obviously be ridiculous— but there are set times and ways established by the camp for you to contact your child. Adhering to these allows your child to grow, and become more mature, confident, and responsible.
Reaching out to the counsellor because your “child is special” or because “it’s an emergency” only annoys and distracts the counsellor from the mission that you tasked him with.
Our job is to care for the child’s needs and feelings, not for the parents. It also doesn’t positively impact the camper, who might constantly want to contact their parent for any minor issue, thereby not fully engaging in camp and missing out on the aforementioned growth opportunities.
I’ll conclude by saying that contacting the counsellor is not always an issue and sometimes is necessary or helpful. However, please be considerate and think about it for a moment before doing so.
Ignoring parents or being unhelpful to them will only make it worse. You have someone’s child in your care. You can’t complain that a parent is trying to make sure that their child is being taken care of.
Call the office and/or had staff. The counsellors arent getting paid enough, and I am sure you aren’t tipping them adequately to bother them. If you feel you want the right to call the individual counsellor at your leisure, give them a few hundred dollar tip when you drop off your child and ask them if it would be ok to have their number for you to call them once a week.
Very true. Thanks for your comment. A parent is connected to their child throughout the year. A parent giving away a child for 8 weeks can at times be difficult. The child may be homesick or have other issues that are needed for a parent to sooth a child, no matter the age, no matter how different things look כלפי חוץ. We never really know what’s going on at home between them. Not always does a family-parent-cold want to divulge what’s going on the secret of home. This all is honestly respectfully non of our business, don’t mix in…. Your… Read more »
If the child has issues, the counselor’s phone is not the avenue. Speak to the director and figure it out. In any event, that’s a yotze min haklal.
The issue is a simple one, many of us have become helicopter parents. Think of camp as a way to become a better parent by giving your child some independence.
A counselor in camp is not there as an entrepreneurial undertaking – he/she is wholly there for the inyan! Whether he/she receives adequate payment and/or abundant tips, is totally irrelevant. If he/she wants to be making money during the summer, then being a counselor in a camp is perhaps not the best choice. My suggestion to the author: the counselors are not beholden to parents in such a manner – they should not be acting as a messenger service and it’s disturbing to have annoying meddling parents disturbing the camp environment. Thus, the counselor should make a voicemail message on… Read more »
As a counselor in camp I am sorry to inform you that almost nobody does this for the “inyan.” Our jobs as counselors does not include being substitute parents for 8 weeks, it’s just not in the job description. So if you would like that put your money where your mouth is. Otherwise we staff (who are paid less than $1 an hour) will do our jobs as told, which means no communication with parents. The only most staff members talk to parents at is in hopes of a bigger tip.
The fact that an article about parents contacting counselors became a discussion about tipping shows that the staff are often glued to their phones, writing op-eds and comments, thinking camp is just another hangout. This strongly suggests they are more focused on their own enjoyment than on the kids, which contradicts the notion of round-the-clock supervision. While it’s true that camp staff work hard and do a lot, I’ve witnessed firsthand many hours spent on phones instead of attending to their responsibilities. Despite there being two counselors per bunk, allowing for downtime, they often complain about pay and treatment, which… Read more »
Not necessarily, it’s really annoying to have helicopter parents bugging you at every moment. It seems that’s what prompted this.
Guess who wins when a caregiver (teacher, counselor, nanny etc.) receives the compensation they deserve? Guess who loses when those mentioned above are compensated in a way that that is not commensurate with their responsibilities? This is not rocket science (would YOU work for the “inyan?!?!” Get real) Yet, there is an attitude of entitlement from a generation of helicopter parents who feel entitled. I can see only a win-win situation when you respect the young adults who are charged with caring for your children all summer.
If you’re that worried about your child and don’t trust that the camp can keep them safe, don’t send them. Phone calls home are part of the activity schedule. There’s visiting day. Encourage your child to write home. Send emails. But I distinctly recall my and my friends’ parents dropping us off at camp and barely hearing from us, or us from them, for 4-8 weeks.
I work in a position very very high in one of the Lubavitch mainstream camps. If staff, head staff, directors, directors relatives numbers were reserved for emergencies. When absolutely necessary, when fearful or worried, that would be one thing. But txts WhatsApp’s calls about camps address or zip code, times maybe they can stop their son at the ohel. Perhaps a ride to or from camp or a package not sent via a mail man. These are very very very not emergency. And are very very very out of hand. Why should a sister in law or a nephew of… Read more »
When people are downvoted so many times, if they consider for a moment that they might need to change something in their life. Or perhaps they’re just so convinced that they have the perfect perspectives on life and the 60 other people have it all wrong
There is a difference between knowing a child is ok and being a helicopter parent while the child is in camp. Also, constantly bothering a counselor on their phone is distracting. If a parent needs to quickly reach a counselor in a brief text, do that. If there is a bigger issue, ask the camp office to have the counselor call.
He clearly wrote that it’s okey to contact when needed though not on a daily basis, micro managing everything that your child does, in that case don’t send them to sleep away camp if you really want to be on top of them
I hope you shared this with your head staff and director.
This is something they should be dealing with. Not you.
And the head staff and director tell the parents they’re not allowed to
AND THEY STILL DONT LISTEN
Parents you trust camp with your FOLLOW THE RULES!!!
As a parent I would like to state the obvious. We pay a lot of money for camp tuition. All we need to know is that our children are in good hands. We deserve to know since we pay all this money. A good suggestion that one of my sons counselors did. He made a WhatsApp group with all the parents that only the counselors were able to send messages and he was able to send photos to give us parents the peace of mind knowing our children are safe and happy.
If you were to pay a nanny to take care of your kid for two months 24/7 it would cost you 10x the amount of money, and that money is going directly to them or at least most of it is. Counselors are paid $300 for two months of work. And if you give a nice tip I haven’t met a counselor/staff member that wouldn’t let me talk to him about my kid. (They appreciate food if you drop something off as well)
Love the idea of a wassap bunk chat group. Very well advised. It should be constructed for the campers also perhaps restricted before Shabbos etc. (there are ways to do it).
Beautiful advise. Thanks.
all jews should be forced to delete whatsapp
I was a Councler and I made a chat and only allowed me and my co to post but parents still texted me privately over and over again.
A suggestion is : in camp CHAYOLEI they have a WhatsApp chat and only the admin can post and it’s camps number and they have a daily status and it was a massive hit and it’s going strong for 5 years and parents love it and they make sure they get everyone face
Sounds like a lazy and bad counselor! The world isn’t going to end if your campers parents know how there some are doing
It’s those type of parents who think just because I don’t have time for all the parents all day makes me lazy,try having 14 campers on your head all day everyday for 2 months and then you have 28 parents also,and your getting paid like 5 cents an hour and then the parents call you lazy. I think that’s extremely unfair and disrespectful
Totally agree,
parents have t
I wonder when someone gets downvoted a bunch of times, like here, if they reconsider for a second, to think that they might actually be the ones that are wrong in the situation
That’s such s short minded perspective. Its hard enough to deal with 14 campers, making sure theyre happy, safe, well fed. Dealing with the parents was not in the job description! If youre too scared to send your kids to camp, Dont Send them!
Do the math… that’s 28 parents every day Dang dang dang !!
Plus dealing with 14 kids and o ur full time job, just chill I just taught ur kids what negel vasser is so say thank u
And it’s not like we’re getting paid a lot either!!
Counselors will never understand until they have children of their own.
It’s very simple, if you don’t feel comfortable sending your kid DON’T send him!! You are not doing anyone a favor!!’
Also please be considerate about how much the counselors are working, and how much they are getting paid… which is ZERO the small 250$ check is 90% used on prizes/food/incentives for YOUR CHILDREN.
I understand that tuition is a lot, but if you can afford it and have a heart, don’t just give the “50 dollar suggested tip” give whatever you feel how much someone taking care of your son for 1/2 month(s) deserves!!!
candy, incentives, or junk food for kids
Well, unfortunately kids nowadays won’t daven, learn, or listen without any incentives… maybe it’s an issue on the parents chinuch, we try to teach them about hashem etc. but if they would hear and see it in the way the parents act at home maybe there would be no need for incentives, so maybe teach your kid something…
Chinuch starts at home
what incentives are you using
your a Councler and is pro this idea of parents not texting you then how are you this bored to respond to your comments who’s watching your kids??
It’s the unfortunate part of a counselor’s job is the pay. They get paid the same amount of money that staff got paid 20 years ago. If tuition goes up every year for the campers its only menchlich to up the pay for the counselors. You can’t expect a parent to tip so much when it cost $6,500 for a 7-week camp of the summer for a child to go to a bar mitzvah program and they can barely afford it. But all their friends are going so it’s only far as a parent to send their kid as well.… Read more »
maybe everyone should just stop having camps and instead give all the money to tzedaka in Israel to buy basic necessities for poor jews in Israel who don’t even have basic living necessities. Then all the kids here instead of camp can study Torah all day 24/7 at their local yeshiva
Next will come the oped that counselors in camp shouldn’t have their phones there always on their phone. They should only have their phone for an emergency.
One doesn’t to do with the other. Both are different issues
Maybe parents should also only have their phone for emergencies, so before you tell counselors to not have phone look at your self first and get of your phone (get off COL and go take care of your kids) also maybe the reason why your son is so messed up is because he’s being neglected because you are on your phone all day(don’t get me wrong a lot of parents are great and reasonable with counselors)
It’s the PARENTS who should only be texting in case of emergency,
I do not understand why couselors are not getting a decent pay. I heard some camps make a nice profit so why the cheap labor
Because camp directors feel they can slap on the label “shlichus” and rip off all the bochurim.
The work they do is worth much more than they get paid
I was paid 30 bucks a week . 35 years ago. It’s a job like any other job
Bruh ur crazy. $30 a week is a lot? A regular job?? Go back to where you came from and stay there. Shkoyach.
Parents feel so much better and at ease when they see a photo of their kid smiling and having fun at camp. I would put a higher priority on the camp photographer to make sure each child gets in a photo once a week.
I have kids in both ends of this. Younger kids that are campers in these sleep away camps, and older kids that are counselors and staff. I love that camp CGI Florida has a couple whose job is to be a liason between the parent and the camper/counselor/staff. And they get back to you pretty quickly. Wish the other camps were as on top of this.
Parksville also has someone in this position just the parents still contact the staff and harras them
To get counselor a second phone to use when you feel like, and they can give the number to parents to contact you at the hours that work best for you.
I hope this is a joke. Otherwise you really missed the point..
A few points: -Why mention TIPS in order to be able to speak to a child? -Camp fees should have a built in buffer for counsellor tips. If you’re already paying $6,500.00 for the duration of the summer, another $100/200 won’t be so crazy. -It used to be a privilege, an honour and an experience to be a camp counsellor. Tips were a bonus. -Give credit, where credit is due – Counsellors have to be on the ball 24/7 at over night camp and having to respond to parents (each parent probably thinks that they are the only ones asking)… Read more »
Is one confusing comment
As someone who played both roles
A)was a staff member in these camps
B)is a parent
I truly believe that the system camp makes works the best!
And if you’re one of those parents that don’t agree,
Maybe consider day camp, where you can hold your Child’s hand 24/7
If you were a staff member in these camps and now you are parent, that means that when you were a staff member not every staff member had a phone. Campers (and staff) all had to use camp phones. So the current situation where every staff member is there with a phone is posing a challenge colon on the one hand Camp doesn’t want the kids to be in touch with their parents. On the other hand, the staff are in touch with the world 24/6 so it’s hard for parents to digest that they can be in touch with… Read more »
By u speaking to ur child u will create more separation anxiety if ur kid has bad anxiety don’t send him
I would like two mention two points: 1. Parents should know that learning teachers are in the same boat when it comes to parents contacting them. Just need to put that out there. 2. More importantly: I’m a learning teacher in CGI Parksville. One day last week some parents came to camp to take their kid out. As they walked pass my learning class the father called out to the campers in my class “listen! Listen! Listen!” I B”H have an amazing class with smart kids and considerably less nivul peh (different issue) but that day I was having a… Read more »
very often if a child is homesick and sees his parents it will just make it worse.
when our camp went to the ohel one of his parents came to see him and then he refused to go back to camp. Bkitzur when the kid is not constantly speaking to his parents he will have more fun camp
The Rebbe says in the farbrengen that kickstarted Gan Yisroel (shavuos 5715) that among the many maalos of the camp is that the kids are no longer at home and are away from the mothers who are “misbashel” (yes thats the term the Rebbe uses) their kids. please respect the purpose of the camp and its agenda, and all mothers until your kids call you, or you have something important to get over to the kid, (obviously following the regutlations camp sets), GET LOST
Many comments express concerns about the cost of camp. While it is understandable that some families may not be able to afford the full cost, there are also many campers who come from wealthy families and display their affluence by give they’re kids hundreds of dollars of spending money and canteen money. It is disheartening when these same parents then give their camp counselors a meager $50 tip.
I wonder why this went our right when camp is sending out emails for tips 👀
I have a son in camp chayolei for 2 years now and the counselor’s do a great job and my son is having a great time I don’t believe it’s right to bother staff because there doing stuff for your son that you don’t realize and don’t need your annoying calls and requests let them do there job and the head staff are also making sure your son is not getting neglected so don’t worry send him to camp call him once a week and he’ll be fine
Every camp should give the cell phone number of the counselor of their child to the parents. It’s not an issue of feelings, however an issue of safety. A parent knows their child best. If something is going wrong with the child for example abuse, neglect, or even just bullying a parent would be able to pick up on it first. It’s surprising that this person would suggest that if the parents calls him, he will then go and neglect that camper. Unfortunately not always is bullying realized, even by the counslers. Camp does give specific times for the campers… Read more »
There is no problem with having your kids counselors number the problem starts when you start harassing them 24/7 for non-emergency reasons
The emt and hc are perfectly capable of answering all of your questions and needs
I think we are expecting way too much from the counselors. I have sent several children to camp. If I need to pass on a message to my child I email the office, call the director or try to reach out to the head counselors. We do not have to be nudging the counselors all the time.
If you’re not ready to let go of your children, don’t send them to overnight camp.
this article must have been a great staff activity
1. Counselors should not have their phones on them. End of discussion. If you are devoted to the kids as you claim to be, leave the phone in your room until you’re off the job. It is simply IMPOSSIBLE to be present for the kids with your phone in your pocket. 2. Parents need to let their kids be kids. My kids go to camp, I wait for their 2-3 calls and that’s it. Short of a real crisis they don’t hear from me, except via the regular camp channels and emails. Last year, my son’s camp (Toronto), banned packages,… Read more »
I would like to point out two things. Firstly, The author of this editorial wrote “When a parent harasses the counselor and controls their child, it only encourages the counselor to let the child fend for themselves”. A staff member in camp that openly states such, should be thrown out of camp and has no place taking care of others. Secondly, Many times parents have to reach out to the staff in camp directly because of the ridiculous policies that camps have in place, making it feel like sending your child a bottle of Gatorade is absolute contraband. As an… Read more »
For you it’s a bottle of Gatorade for someone else it’s a case of chips and for another it’s fancy cereals, it gets out of hand. Send your kid to camp, say goodbye and have a good time till they return.
As a teacher in a girls school, I feel kids and parents should have the assurance that they’re available to speak with each other. This makes their summer go by more smoothly. If the Counslor doesn’t let the parents communicate with their kids whenever they want to, you should be kicked out of camp immediately without pay!
I’m a teacher, and my principal makes clear that no phones should be viewable when teaching students. Also, we don’t give out our private number to parents. They call the school office and request a call back. If camps can hire an efficient secretary who actually sits at a desk and picks up calls, parents should be able to leave a message for a counselor. For important things! Not for every minor issue. And not for general info such as sending a package, which can be handled by a secretary. Parents have to be mindful not to be a helicopter… Read more »
I think a counselor doesn’t have the duty to communicate with the parents , if he chooses to then good for him
As a former counselor in camp, and as a current parent of 3 children I think this argument is essentially eating off of perspective. Anyone who was ever a staff member in camp, especially a counselor, would obviously stand with the author of this article, and do have a fair point. My time as a counseling I can say, it is a very exhausting and tiring job which requires a lot of attention and devotion. A 18 “adopting” 12-15 children, which is essentially is what they’re doing is not an easy task. Counselors are doing their best to provide the… Read more »
No one ever said that parents “don’t have a right” to contact their children. Obviously they want to know what’s doing with their kid. (Which is the “point” you’re making). But please, get the memo: spamming the counselor isn’t the way to do it.
Wow, after reading all these posts I cannot believe my eyes, what in the world, it’s not about staff getting tipped enough it’s about parents not raising the most bratty and entitled children, but if you can’t manage to raise a normal kid the least you can do is tip the staff being that they have to deal with your troubled failure of a kid, while they are being paid $400 for the whole summer (£33 an hour) that’s reality, your kids drive the staff up a wall 24/7, and yes obviously there is a Shlichus involved but come on… Read more »