4 Lessons From Mrs. Deren

Dear Deren family,

I just received the email about the passing of Mrs. Keny Deren and I was very saddened to hear the news. She was my High school principal from 1987-1990 when I was a student in Pittsburgh.

As an out-of-town student, I remember being interviewed before I started. I had been “forewarned” and was very nervous. Upon meeting Mrs. Deren, I realized she was everything people said about her and so much more: formidable, strong, learned, no nonsense. As I got to know her, I also saw her kindness, emotion, care and compassion.

Here are a but a few anecdotes that will always stay with me.

1.

When I was in 10th grade, our class went to New York and Mrs. Deren was the driver for this all night affair. Now that I have driven to New York (and never as the sole driver at night), I truly appreciate this feat.

She began the trip by telling us stories of chassidim in Russia traveling to the Rebbe and all the preparations they would make before going. She spoke about how the chassidim would go on foot, by horse and buggy, anything for their Rebbe. She made us feel lucky that we are in car and had it so easy. We could leave at night and in a few hours we would be by our beloved Rebbe.

I felt transported back in time, only we were in a station wagon, not a horse drawn wagon and traveling from Pittsburgh to New York, not from a shtetl in Russia to the town of Lubavitch. We, being giggly girls, tried out best to behave and were both awed and amused that Mrs. Deren was actually driving us.

Upon arrival, Mrs. Deren was weary and yet focused. We were told that we would have two hours to refresh ourselves and be at 770 in time to line up for dollars. I will always remember seeing Mrs. Deren few hours later, looking beautiful, in dark brown suit, perfectly coiffed shaitel. Like modern day royalty going to greet our Nasi Hador. Her face was shining with a glow of happiness excitement and anticipation.

Afterwards she spoke about various famous people who were there. I remember one name she mentioned who was there that day –beautician Estee Lauder— and she seemed amused by that.

2.

One Rosh Hashana I was staying at her house. She saw me get up extra early to walk to the Chabad on Campus to help out in their davening. She asked if I had eaten anything.

I said no because I need to wait until after hearing Shofar. She looked at me and without saying a word, sat me down with a glass of juice and honey cake. She would not let me leave until I had eaten.

Truth be told, I was hungry and really wanted to eat, but did not want to do the wrong thing. I was so relieved and very happy to have that sweet breakfast.

That honey cake took on more that just a piece of cake. It became to symbol of my entire attitude on Shlichus. It made such an impression on me that first and foremost Shlichus must not break you. Shlichus is sweet and delicious.

The “strict” Mrs. Deren saw a young teenage girl attempting to walk 2-3 miles to for the purpose of shlichus and sent a message. Do not break yourself. Torah and chassidus is sweet. Shlichus is sweet (not saying that is not hard or challenging).

I was so happy when less then a year on Shlichus, I found a recipe that tasted exactly like that honey cake. I would bake it every Rosh Hashana and savor the memories of kind Mrs. Deren who truly understood.

That honey cake had become for me a comfort to such a degree that every time I had a baby I would bake a honey cake and bring to hospital to eat right after I delivered. That kindness and compassion has stayed with me all these years and continues to guide and inspire me.

3.

I remember being in the Yeshiva building when I saw her walking into the lunchroom her face aglow and eyes with a fiery spark emanating from them. I asked her what happened.

She said she just received word that her daughter Chani Lazar was being sent on Shlichus to Moscow, Russia. Communism was in full force at the time and I was very taken aback and speechless.

I naively looked at her and gave her my condolences.

She laughed and said how utterly excited and happy she was that her children would be shluchim and that this was the best news she could ever hope to hear. She said Russia has the merit of having shluchim of the Rebbe, her children, being sent there.

Years later, when I saw a picture of Russia’s Chief Rabbi Berel Lazar walking with President Vladimir Putin, I imagined what she would say. “Look the President gets to have his picture taken with my son-in-law.” Mrs. Deren know exactly who was who.

4.

Another anecdote. One time Mrs. Deren observed a few girls (myself included) walking in the hallway (or maybe the overhang) of the Yeshiva, while stepping over some discarded papers.

She went over, bent down and picked up the trash and put it in the garbage. She exclaimed that we are in the Rebbe’s moisad and one never walks by a mess like that.

Hence, my habit of picking up gum wrappers off the lawn or parking lot in our newly built Chabad house. Or instantly whisking away a forlorn, used cup or the like, that did not find it way to the trash can. My kids know mommy always likes to see that the Chabad House is spotless. If they saw the utter glow of Mrs. Deren’s face at that moment, they would surely understand.

I will always remember a smiling, serene, joyful learned women. She was strong, she was firm. She loved the Rebbe. She loved her shlichus. Although I had not seen here physically for many many years, knowing that her presence was here gave me much strength.

I am so sorry to hear of her passing and I will always be inspired by her leadership, her strength and her compassion.

May Hashem comfort your entire family and may we all be zoche to see her with the coming of Moshiach now.

Esther Kaltmann,
Director of Friendship Circle/LifeTown in New Albany, Ohio