By Toby Lieder
1. Identify your top five core values. Use them as a reference point before and after each date.
2. Develop a profile that accurately represents who you are and describes your personality and interests.
3. Remove any posts or photos from social media that are inaccurate or may be perceived as offensive.
4. Keep your matchmaker involved until engagement to avoid miscommunication and ensure a smoother process.
5. Show appreciation for your matchmaker’s hard work with a thank-you note, small gift, or both.
6. Parents should pay attention to their child’s criteria for a spouse and not impose their own.
7. Share your profile freely and reach out to close friends and family for help.
8. Be open-minded! Consider previously dismissed suggestions.
9. Don’t believe rumors. Ask directly to verify.
10. Do research; ensure you’re compatible before investing too much time and energy.
11. Prioritize your dating life. Take time off work to be rested and relaxed for your date.
12. Be punctual. Arrive and return on time and show reliability.
13. Avoid texting! Communicate in person or over the phone to avoid misunderstandings.
14. Listen actively. Listen more than you talk and actively listen to your date. Repeat back what you heard in your own words.
15. Stay positive and be yourself!
– Mrs. Toby Lieder is a world-renowned dating coach, Shadchan, educator and lecturer. Toby is passionate about bringing people together and impacting future generations.
She draws on her life experience as a mother of 14 and has coached hundreds of singles on navigating the dating scene with clarity and confidence. Reach her at WhatsApp: +61470173916 or Email: toby.lieder@gmail.com Website: tobydatingcoach.com
Shadchanim should respond
Shadchanim should not throw names and hope it sticks like a dart
You summarized it in one sentence 🙏
Besides chabadmatch and WhatsApp groups are there other chabad sites that profiles can be sent to?
If everyone followed, especially #9.
Singles & parents of singles should respond back as well; ))) Many times suggestions are given and the singles are probably “
occupied “ at least respond so the shaddchan doesn’t waste their valuable time .
Clear and insightful
With all due respect , can you even imagine the endless hours shaddchanim put into helping singles???? It’s the ones that have Akoraa hatov that they gravitate towards, not the ones that complain & say how they don’t respond!!!! Maybe put yourselves in their shoes FOR JUST ONE DAY!
I’m sure Shadchanim are busy but then they should communicate that. Or don’t be a shadchan if you don’t have the time for it. I’m the last person to judge (you don’t know me) but this has been my experience so I have the right to say it.
I am extremely polite and respond as soon as I can to Shadchanim.
Looking for a shidduch for your child is an extremely vulnerable time . All we are asking is for a thumbs up . There is one Shadchan I message once in a while and has never ever responded.
It’s got nothing to do with busy it’s about treating people with basic respect.
As someone who was set up by her, and is now 2.5 years happily married, I can see this worked for us. I had some doubts about some of her theories, but it worked out BH.
Shadchonim should actually read resumes/profiles.. don’t suggest someone who is 7-8+ years older/younger than the single without checking how old the single is.
Don’t bash a younger single for their core values or preferences and tell them they are being fussy.
Check if the person you are suggesting is even available at the moment..
be a mentsch, treat the single and their parents with respect and grace.
Charging 10k isn’t realistic.
We have cut off all access to have shidduchim happen naturally within our Torah values. So the vulnerable have to rely on a volunteer system. Speaking from experience. I haven’t been set up once by a Lubavitch shadchan…
Thank you
As parent evaluating the shidduch process the first time this is very helpful
She was my shadchan after going through different shadchanim,she definitely masters the arts of true match-making,she knows what works and what roadblocks can be holding you back from your bashert
Before your start calling someone’s references make sure they’re even interested in you(/your resume) potentially, it will save you a lot of time and agmas nefesh. Imagine looking in to someone for a few weeks just to find out that you weren’t even what thy were looking for!
Good point!
Though just to mention, research shouldn’t take more then a week at max. If your organized, you should be able to get most of your answers within 3-4 days, and that’s considering time differences… and ppl not answering the phone.
Dragging these things on, just makes it difficult for the singles
There’s a new free platform called, loop,go join and invite your friends
what is that
i have tried but no such site
I don’t know this shadchnan but she has really insightful information.This is really valuable to have in mind while dating. I think it is wise to point out that it is a time when people are being vulnerable. This means that shadchanim need to make sure that they are suggesting so that the singles don’t feel like they are put themselves out there for no response or to give the shadchans their suggestions for themselves as shidduchim is not just a paid job title