I’ve been thinking lately of the challenge of raising kids in this generation. B”H, Hashem bentched me with 6 children and I would love to give them a chassidishe upbringing. I am fully aware of the “crisis” that everyone is talking about. I was strongly wondering: is it possible to raise chassidishe children in Crown Heights? Will my children have friends with a similar upbringing as they have?
Several months ago, I joined N’shei Chabad for 2 of their events (Convention before Shavuos & Gimmel Tammuz). I was sitting in the audience of approximately 300-400 (mostly) Crown Heights women. When the speech concluded, I looked around at the huge crowd and I was amazed.
I observed that every woman around me (without exaggeration) were dressed totally tzniusdik. I was amazed that a) so many women wanted to join in the convention on a Shabbos afternoon b) how tzniyusdik the women were. It felt good to know that I wasn’t one of the few, but I was one of the many!
The other day I was doing my errands on Kingston Avenue. Each time I would walk down the Avenue, it would bother me a lot. You would see men and women not dressed tzniusdik, teens who are rebelling, etc. But this time I told myself: refocus. And I did. And then I was able to see so many girls and boys, men and women who were walking around looking the way that a chossid should look like. And that made me proud!
This observation got me thinking. We all know that there is a crisis in Crown Heights. We all know how a lot of people’s standards went down in many areas. It is true. I am not denying it. However, I made a conscious choice not to focus on the crisis. Even among all the “not so good” scenes that we see, there are so many good scenes out there. There ARE many families, couples and singles who are frum and chassidish. No one seems to talk about them, but they do exist.
When I went to Oholei Torah’s Orientation, I was so happy to see that 2 of my sons were in classes (of 25 boys) that the majority of boys in each class came from chassidishe homes. It was heartwarming to see that there are so many families who have high standards in their homes and run their homes in a chassidishe atmosphere.
At Junior N’shei Chabad events, there is an attendance of 50- 150 women. The strong majority of the women attending are also chassidish! These are the future families of Crown Heights. How beautiful it is to envision what beautiful families the community will have.
When davening in 770 on Shabbos morning, the shul is quite full. When looking around, one can see that there are so many girls and women who want to come to daven in 770 and they look so beautiful in their shabbos attire. Why not focus at how many women/girls attend and are dressed appropriately?
In all of the girl’s high schools in CH, there are numerous programs being run (such as Achos Hatmimim), which promotes chassidishe behavior and conduct. The girls are proud that they are part of several hundred girls who want to act like a chossid. (Yes, we know about the girls who are at-risk). But the fact is that the majority of the high schools are frum and chassidishe girls.
We are living in 2011 and times are challenging. But we have to remember: we are Lubavitcher Chassidim and we do live in Crown Heights. Unfortunately, whenever there’s something negative, the spotlight shines on it. And the negativity is very dominating. And it seems to be everywhere. But when you step out and look inwards objectively, you will see that B”H, there is a lot MORE good things happening in CH then not!
We all know that in most situations, there’s some positivity and some negativity. Let’s look at the positive side of things. Although in the situations that I mentioned, there can be comments left about the “other side of the picture”. I’m sure that there’s people who won’t agree completely with me, or who had a negative experience on the streets, in a store on Kingston Ave, or in one of the schools. Please do the community a favor – DO NOT write that op-ed.
We are standing before Rosh Hashanah. Let us start focusing on the positive. Let the way we talk or the way we comment be about the positive side of things. Just because we have our thoughts doesn’t mean that it must be made public. But if you have something positive that you saw or experienced in Crown Heights – by all means – publicize it.
I now know that there is a lot of good in Crown Heights. There is a high level of frumkeit and chassidishkeit. Let us make that be the IN style. It is a place where we can raise true chassidishe children! Let us continue to make the Rebbe proud of his Chassidim!
May everyone be bentched for a ksiva vachasima tovah & L’shana Tova Umesukah, and may we celebrate this Tishrei together with the Rebbe in Yerushalayim!
Sincerely,
Your next door neighbor
WELL SAID!!!!!
WELL SAID!!!!!!
that long list of accusations is taken verbatim from # 49’s description of the tznius people, why generalize tznius people like that? even if it were an accurate portrayal of 50% of tznius people does that somehow justify tznius is suddenly less important or valid? if someone is not yet 100% tznius, rather then finding comfort in putting down those who are tznius, better find comfort in the fact that you are making progress on your own level at your own pace! its ok, if your not perfect yet as long as you are taking small realistic steps in the… Read more »
Reading ur very passionate words I can’t help but notice a long list of accusations you attribute to tznius proponants. You speak of lack of achdus & ahavas yisroel You speak of sinas chinum You speak of hypocracy You speak of self rightious elitism You speak of Condemnation You speak of Internet browsing history You speak of Lashon Hara You speak of Lack of derech eretz You attempt to generalize all or at least most of us who value tznius as deranged radicals who are: Unmentchlich Lack ahavas yisroel & achdus Bickering in-fighting Lack of decency Elitism & judgemental Not… Read more »
it’s quiet clear what we have to do, shulchon oruch tells us be frum! suprising?! no?!!!!!!!
Yet another tzniyus post, and yet again lots of anger and self-righteousness. For all of you so quick to criticize others, can you state emphatically that your own house is in order? Were you honest paying your taxes, or are you one of the many using cash and claiming less income to get benefits? Do you daven with a minyan 3 times a day? Are you careful not to talk during davening? Can you state emphatically that all of the web sites you visit are 100% kosher, or would you rather no one ever see your browsing history? Do you… Read more »
could someone please explain what it means ‘b’peyel mamesh’ to fight the bad other than just talking about it?
It seems pretty obvious that people are missing the point – the lack of tznius is a symptom, not the disease. There is a major lack of derech eretz and ahavas yisroel and achdus in this neighborhood – that is what needs to be addressed. To focus on the fallout of these maladies and then blame the victims for what is wrong in this community is backwards – don’t blame the victims, blame the attitudes and behavior that compels a commmunity to descend. Clothing can reflect who a person is, or it can be a disguise, and doesn’t reflect at… Read more »
yup, i too noticed a clear improvement, it was not just israeli guest!
i saw cool, popular acquaintances of mine pushing their bugaboo down Kingston ave, they were well dressed & looking very pretty and tznius too.
im sure it has something to do with the public awareness campaign, i for one totally forgot the info i once knew re the affect of tznius on my children etc
knowledge is power… thats the only change more people are becomming aware how tznius is the kindest thing one can do for their family & community
no! it’s just the truth! as much as the non-tzniyus stares at you in the face, REFOCUS!!! I started doing it and I’m being pleasantly surprised every time that I do! there really is so much good out there!
just walked down Kingston ave 8 blocks, i have observed at least 20 young women ALL were dressed perfectly tznius!
could it be a coincidence??
just woundering
We must fight the fire! AND focuss on the POSITIVE both at the same time
for focusing our attention on the positive
Its nice that you look at the good and see only the positive,just
like Reb Levi Yitzchok. May we all merit a shana tova umisuka
and see the revelation of our Rebbe Melech Hamoshiach.
Ksiva Vichassima Tova!
This op-ed a was NOT written as a response to the other op-ed. I wrote the article to bring out that there is alot of chassidishkeit and positivity in Crown Heights. I was again amazed tonight. I joined Nshei Chabad in 770 at a time when the Rebbe always spoke to the women. It was amazing and inspiring to see how over 500 women attended!!! They all left their homes at a hectic hour, at a hectic time of the year (erev Rosh Hashanah) to be in 770, hoping to hear the Rebbe speak to us again! A Gut Gebentchte… Read more »
When G-d forbid there is a fire in a house on the block, we should focus our attention on all the houses that are not on fire.
I appreciate your point about looking with an ayin tov, but when a fire is raging, it’s not the time to observe how many houses are not on fire.
sure, how many chassidish williamsburg men are so perfect???? Also those in Williamsburg do not leave ever! They live there and their children live there and their childrens children will live there. It is a bubble and not realistic for a Lubavitcher who is taught to go out and change the world, not stay in, therefore we are much more exposed to the outside world.
for all of those who are trying to say that we can’t just sweep the problem under the carpet, notice how the other article had so many comments-mostly negative. here, the majority of comments are positive.
by reading the other article, one gets the impression that there is not a single tzniusly dressed lubavitcher in the entire ch. by reading this one, there seems to be no problem whatsoever! negativity breeds negativity.
williamsburg (satmar) – much more tzius than crown heights. really boro park too – the other chassidim have us (lubavitchers) beat on both tzius, and stability. i think to our credit we can say we had mesirus nefesh for the rebbe, and basically lost a lot in the process relative to the other chassidic groups. why cannot we admit that the other chassidic groups have us beat in some ways? and if you want to say lubavitch has the international network, and many chabad houses, etc. – that is fine – but we are spread thin, and in 2 generations,… Read more »
Focus on the positive in the community and you will find that the negative will not be able to rule anymore! But those that focus on the negative coz they think that by not saying anything they are sweeping stuff under the carpet, are wrong coz the more you go on about it the more you turn people away! As Shakespeare says “Me thinks he doth protest too much.” Dear author you focused on the good, this article made me feel so positive and happy!
It is known that when you focus on the positive then it is brought from the hidden to the revealed and the same way with the opposite . So lets stay positive. i went to a really nice farbrengen where the farbrenger reminded us that everyone wants to b good – to please hashem and do the right thing,its only because of external and environmental reasons that ppl slip. Just think about it who in their right mind would purposely go against the wishes of Hashem? no one! So lets be nonjudgmental, warm loving and kind. you will see how… Read more »
agree!
“CH is the most Tznius… area to raise your kids”
Hmmmmmm… If that’s how tznius you want your kids to be, than I guess you’re right.
You can’t just deny the facts
we can compliment ourselves in what we do right, and in what we don’t, we can fix
to 27
thank g.d i am on shalichos in a far away place.with no chinuch etc.my kids know they are not the same like the goyim or the not yet frumen yiddin.in crown heights what do you tell your kids,that you are not the same?
Perhaps we “excavate” a little, and see if there is a root cause why Crown Heights IS different. Historically Chabad was always an introspective system. The primary example of this is that when the Mittler Rebbe succeeded (may we use that word nowadays?) his father, the Alteh Rebbe, they were all “in transit” to avoid that little Frenchman, Napoleon. A decision was needed as to where to settle. There were many suggestions and requests. Towns like Vitebsk, Borisov, Mohilev, Bobroisk, etc. were eager to become the permanent focal point of the rapidly growing Chabad movement. The Mittler Rebbe chose the… Read more »
I remember being in “the country” one summer and a non-Lubavitcher was going on and on about tznius in Crown Heights. I told her, “Your eye is trained to notice someone who is not dressed tzniusdik, but I assure you that if you see one person dressed not tzniusdik and you look at the next 10 people they will all be dressed properly.” When I came back to CH for a day in the middle of the summer and went on to Kingston, my first reaction was “Oh my!” But then I took my own words to heart and looked… Read more »
I was recently in Crown Heights and observed that although many women and girls were wearing clothing that properly covered their arms and the lenghts of skirts were good the “styles” were atrociouslly un-tznius. Over the years there has a been a decrease in the level of tznius including those who should be examples such as the Schluchos, their daughters and the many young students and seminary girls who visit our town. It is apparent that many young women and girls do not realize that although they are covered their clothes are too tight. A halter type dress, sundress, fitted… Read more »
If shluchim do their job and educate their children especially in tznius and chinuch they have kochos from the Rebbe that took that on his shoulders. But you see many that are makel in many issues especially in tznius (eg mechitzo and mix events etc) and don’t dress like chisidishe yidn because they think that being like the others will atrack people to come to the chabad houses.
Everyone knows that there is a tznius problem in Crown Heights but focusing on it has not brought any changes. It has brought people looking down on others who have a weakness in yiras Shomoyim through the way they dress. Maybe by focusing on positive things and by being positive towards others, we can be more of an influence. We are supposed to believe that Moshiach can come today-true, we would like it if everyone would greet Moshiach with tznius clothing but if we can’t change that, then shouldn’t we at least greet Moshiach with achdus and simcha?
CH is the most tzni’us and blessed area to raise your kids. We know, if you have H”V problem, you need to work first and mostly on yourself. Our kids are our mirror. Another opportunity – to move on shlichus. It’s not easyer to raise your kids in the midst of unleashed goim and not (yet) educated and therefore not always dressed properly etc Yiden. And this all is exposed to your kids. Plus, it depends on the area,no kosher food, no or not stable miniyan, no proper school, which are even being proper, can we even close compare with… Read more »
agree with #23
i observed the same
for the most part the tznius seems to have improved considerably! BH
Thank you.
How sad!
NOW WE TALK ABOUT HOW MANY LUBAVITCHERS KEEP TZNIUS.WHEN WILL WE TALK ABOUT HOW MANY KEEP KOSHER.
One does not need to sweep the issue under the rug, inorder to see the positive side of the situation as well. One should not negate the other. When it hurts one cries. True. But should we be crying :'( the whole day? I don’t think so.
Thanks for bringing up this point in the article. There needs to be a balance to proper scale. If majority of girls an women dress tznius that’s the majority of what should be discussed. and if a minority are untznius then it should definitely not be pushed under the rug, but be discussed to the right degree. Not overdoing it, making the topic dry and turnthose girls father away then before.
Please. Be realistic. Look for the good fun heint bis morgen. The scene out there is terrible. the dress is awful. wake up and do not be naive. don’t ignore the obvious.
when dog bites man thats not news but when man bites dog that is news. being in ch the rebbas place its not news to dress chassidish thats the way its suppose to be. but the other way is news and not right (like man bites dog) and should be taking care right away .have a good year
Denile ain’t just a river in egypt!
She is suggesting we just sweep the problems under the rug. Like a child who thinks that if you can’t see someone while covering the eyes, he’s not there. Problems don’t just disappear. You have to confront them if you want a prayer on rectifying them. The Rebbe Rashab once went to an asifas rabonim specifically to vent about a challenge of that day. When the brisker rov asked why he was crying if he did everything he can do to rectify the issue, he responded “ven es tut vey, vaynt men” (when it hurts, one cries). He didn’t just… Read more »
BS:D after reading the article before Shabbos, as I walked to Shul this past Shabbos i could not help but notice all the very properly Chassidishe dressed girls.I said to myself the community has grown so large since I arrived over 30 years ago there are bond to be a few that need to raise their awareness of the proper way to dress but by and larger the majority are to be commended rather than overlooked and the rest gently educated.The way we talk about it, one would thing that there was not one properly dressed women or girl left… Read more »
beautiful article thanks!
Nobody denies that the vast majority of CH is BH Bla”h good. Nobody denies that we have to be positive but at the same time you have to be realistic because if you not the bad will grow and as we know has a big influence. For many years we closed our eyes and did nothing about the issue and problem. We need to be aware and to be active in any possible way to get control of this situation that got out of control and is getting stronger. We can’t fool our selves. Yes be positive and use that… Read more »
Very, very well said. The important thing is that those who keep tznius should not feel ashamed. Don’t let anyone tell you that you look unattractive, “bubbyish,” “a rebbetzin.” You are following halachah, you are bringing kovod to the Rebbe, you don’t need anyone else’s approval. Eventually the tide WILL change but those who still are 100% tzniusdik need to stand strong and be proud in who they are and what they do.
very well said!!!
My feeling and sentiments exactly and this is the reality.I think the lack of ahavas yisroel is a much greater danger and problem among us.
reminds me of rebbetzin heller a”h- she said that when she walked with her girls, she pointed out the tzniusdike women(rather than the opposite)
Its the women who will bring Moshiach, through the positive actions and outlook. Thank you for the positive comments! Perhaps if we approached others, whether in our homes or outside, in a positive manner, without criticizing, we will be able to change things for the better.
no one in a boat has the “right” to drill a hole under their seat, and claim “it’s my seat, i can do what i please”. one hole, one breach, affects everyone in the boat. Rebbetzin Heller a”h once said that Torah is not about “rights”, it’s about chiyuvim, obligations. women are obligated not to throw stumbling blocks in front of my husband and sons.
A gutte vokh
So many truths in a little article.
Thank you, it was very nice.
THANK YOU ! and BH to see such awesome positivity – Moshiach was just brought that much closer – Baezrat Hashem we shall see th ecoming of Moshiach speedily
very nice, positive thinking!
You took the words out my mouth. Over Shabbos, I was thinking exactly this and even thought to write a response article, but you beat me to it – yashar koach. Maybe we can start a “I was touched” feature on collive, similar to that in neshai newsletter.
In the words of our Rebbe : az me’iz alein grob zet men grobkeit, az m’vet aidel iz az demalt zet men beim tzveiten oichet aidelkeit ( Masseh rav 90) Everyone has their own issues which they know they have to fix up and correct, and especially approaching the new year rosh hashana. When we will be able to start from within ourselves and cleanse our own grobkeit and become more aidel, then we’ll be able to look at each other in a different view, and appreciate crown heights for all the good that it has, and for what the… Read more »
refreshing to hear a positive voice!
You are sooo right!!!!!!