First Ever Shidduch Conference

Photos: Yisrael Belizovski/COLlive

One 120 women attended the first International Shidduch Group Conference in Crown Heights on Monday, November 4th.

While most attendees were from parts of New York or New Jersey, women traveled from as far as away as California, Florida, Texas, Pennsylvania, Toronto, and Montreal searching shidduchim for their children, themselves or someone dear to them.

Participants included mothers, shadchanim, shluchim, shidduch coaches and singles searching a soul mate for themselves or others in ages ranging from 21 to 60. This first-of- its-kind event was coordinated by the International Shidduch Group Network with groups in thirty-seven cities around the globe.

Over 20 women reserved the opportunity to share profiles of singles close to them, bringing forward the singles’ unique qualities and three things about them that someone would be surprised to learn.

Many established shadchanim joined including a surprise visit from experienced shadchan, Rabbi Yona Avtzon. When asked to share his perspective on the current shidduch scene, Rabbi Avtzon highlighted a few reoccurring issues that he sees as contributing to the “shidduch cirisis.”

Rabbi Avtzon encouraged mothers not to dismiss a potential shidduch for superficial reasons related to age, height, weight, and background without seriously researching the essential qualities of the potential shidduch.

Similarly, Rabbi Avtzon suggested that everyone be very careful when commenting about a potential shidduch; knowing what to say and what not to say is each person’s responsibility, whether they are a reference or not. When a friend or a sibling makes an off the cuff remark such as, “you can do better,” the shidduch is over. Finally, we must each look at ourselves and be aware of our own double-standards, requiring more of others that we do of ourselves.

During the panel discussion Devora Krasnianski, co-founder of Adai Ad, shared simple words of wisdom when responding to a question regarding reference checking. The most important question we can often ask is, “can you tell me what you mean by that?”

Tzirel Frankel, shlucha, shidduch coach and experienced shadchan addressed the relevance of family by reminding the group that the Rebbe advised those seeking a shidduch to look for Yorei Shomayim, Baal Midoos Tovos, and Hamshochas halev.

Dr. Chana Miriam Huebner, experienced shadchan from Pittsburgh, stressed the importance of learning who the potential shidduch is today and being cautious not to dismiss a potential shidduch based on an impression a classmate had five years ago.

Essential questions were addressed such as “How do you know your child is ready for shidduchim?” and “What qualities really matter for a happy marriage?”

Rabbi Dovid Nissan Dubov, the keynote speaker and author of Mazel Tov – A Chabad Wedding Guide, captured the crowd with his genuine and insightful perspective on what is needed to solve the “shidduch crisis”.

He challenged coordinators, Elana Bergavoy and Dvora Schulman, with “homework” to create a guide for the uninitiated on shidduchim and to work with shadchanim to establish protocols. Rabbi Dubov emphasized that like every other mitzvah, pursuing shiddduchim with bitachon and simcha will bring results.